Thinking About the Meaning of “Loving Yourself to Love Others.”
Loving Yourself is Very Important. Without Knowing the Motivation, We Can Become Selfish.
Loving yourself is an art; many of us haven’t mastered it yet. Self-love is always a work in progress, even for those who say they have “mastered” it.
It seems like the words “self-love” and “loving yourself” are common phrases we use every day. The self-love campaign is on many social media platforms. Loving yourself seems to be the key to happiness. Some of us use this idea unconsciously to put personal interests ahead of mental health. Without really knowing what the point of loving yourself is.
Yes, loving yourself is very important. But if we don’t know what’s behind it, we can get stuck in selfishness (selfish). Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” theory can help you understand self-love.
Self-love is indeed essential. But we’ll get stuck in selfishness if we don’t know why we’re doing it.
Theories of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Abraham Maslow’s theory of human psychology has five levels of human needs.
1. Physiological Needs
The most basic needs for human survival are food and water, enough rest, clothing and a place to live, good health, and the ability to have children. Maslow says that people must meet these basic physical needs before moving on to the next level of fulfillment.
2. Safety Needs
Safety is the next lower-level need. Protection from violence and theft, emotional stability and well-being, health security, and financial security are all things that people need to feel safe.
3. Love and Belonging Needs
On the third level of Maslow’s hierarchy, the social needs are the last of the so-called lower needs. They have to do with getting along with other people. Friendships and family ties with biological family (parents, siblings, and children) and chosen family are also meaningful (spouses and partners). For a feeling of elevated kinship, you need physical and emotional closeness, like sexual relationships and close emotional bonds. Also, being part of a team at work, a union, club, or group of hobbyists helps meet this need.
4. Esteem Needs
The higher needs, beginning with esteem, are driven by ego. The essential parts of esteem are self-respect (the belief that you are valuable and deserve dignity) and self-esteem (confidence in your potential for personal growth and accomplishments). Maslow says there are two kinds of self-esteem: the kind that is based on respect and approval from others and the kind that is based on how you see yourself. This type of self-esteem leads to confidence in yourself and the ability to do things independently.
5. Self-actualization Needs
Self-actualization is the process of becoming the best person you can be. Self-actualization needs are at the top of Maslow’s pyramid. They are also sometimes called “self-fulfillment” needs. Self-actualization needs include getting an education, developing skills (like getting better at music, sports, design, cooking, or gardening), caring for other people, and achieving bigger goals like learning a new language, going to new places, or winning awards.
At the last level, they must focus on others — self-satisfaction, not validation.
From the most basic needs to the third level, we usually still have trouble with ourselves. Before our physical, emotional, and safety needs are met, we are often willing to put our needs last (self-lack). We often become people-pleasers or try to make others happy as long as we can meet our needs. But when the first three needs are met, we move from not having enough of ourselves to being selfish because we don’t want to lose those things.
But as we grow, we will need to feel respected and valued for our skills after our emotional needs are met, which is to feel loved and cared for. Abraham Maslow splits this fourth level of needs into two parts: self-esteem from others and self-esteem from within. To respect ourselves, we have to love ourselves. For self-confidence and dignity, we also need to be appreciated by other people. We come here to love ourselves.
Sadly, some of us stop here. Stop at the stage of loving yourself, where you’re returning to the stage before that, which is being selfish. When we put ourselves first and love ourselves, we put other people who may also need our attention on the back burner. By hiding under the umbrella of self-love, we put ourselves first — set limits with other people without being self-centered. If we want to keep growing and discover the real point of life, we need to meet the last need, self-actualization.
Some of us stop at self-love, returning to selfishness. By loving ourselves, we neglect others who may need us.
When we’ve met these four needs and feel satisfied, it’s time to give ourselves to others. In an emergency, like on an airplane, we must use oxygen cylinders before helping others. But keep in mind that we do it to help other people. Don’t just use it without caring about other people’s safety. This is what makes selfish self-love different from self-love for the selfless. We must love ourselves first so that when we share our love with others, it’s not because we want to be liked or respected. But because we feel like we should. Not because of anything.
Selfish self-love vs. selfless self-love. We must love ourselves so that when we love others, it’s not for validation or respect. But we have to without any reason.
Self-actualization is the goal of our whole lives. We no longer live for ourselves but the people around us. At that point, we already know our role in the world. We were answering the question of why we exist in this world. Only then can we fully understand life because happiness comes not only from within but also from outside. As is the case with T.M. Scanlon’s idea of contractualism about morals and ethics, we humans owe each other our lives with other humans. We can live today because there were humans before us, so we live to “pay a debt” to other people. So, in reality, we will only feel content, satisfied, and full if we know why we are here in this life. The real point of life is not just to focus on yourself.
Before we wrap up this article, let’s all ask: At what point in my life am I most in need?
Thank you for taking the time to read this article, and we wish you good health in the future. You can read my other writings on my blog debikurnia.com.
